Why Is It So Hard to Accept a Compliment?

Positivity begins with the way we speak to ourselves

Something has been making me pause and reflect in class recently.

I will offer someone a genuine compliment, perhaps I have noticed how much stronger they have become, how well they have moved or how beautifully they have approached something that once felt challenging, and almost immediately, the compliment is turned into a negative.

“Oh, I only managed it because…”

“I’m not normally very good at that.”

“It didn’t feel very graceful!”

“You should have seen me last week.”

Does that sound familiar? I think many of us find receiving a compliment surprisingly uncomfortable. Instead of allowing the kind words to settle, we rush to explain why they are not quite true. We minimise what we have achieved, point out a flaw or compare ourselves with someone else.

Yet the compliment was offered because something positive was genuinely noticed. What might happen if, rather than brushing it away, we allowed ourselves to receive it?

Why do we explain the positive away?

For many of us, playing down our progress has become a habit. We may worry that accepting a compliment will make us appear boastful, or feel that we have to be perfect before we are allowed to be proud of ourselves.

We can be wonderfully generous when we speak to a friend. We notice their effort, reassure them when something feels difficult and celebrate the smallest signs of progress. But when we turn that same attention towards ourselves, our words are often much less gentle.

We notice the movement we found difficult rather than the many we completed. We focus on the class we missed rather than the one we made time to attend. We see how far we still want to go rather than how far we have already come.

This does not mean we are deliberately being unkind to ourselves. Often, we do not even notice we are doing it. But the language we repeat becomes the story we begin to believe.

Positivity does not mean pretending

Being positive does not mean forcing ourselves to feel wonderful every moment, ignoring a difficult day or pretending that everything is easy. There will be days when our bodies feel tired, our minds feel busy and movement feels more challenging than usual.

Perhaps today felt difficult, and you still turned up to class. Perhaps a movement did not feel quite right, and you listened to your body and adapted it. Perhaps your mind wandered, and you gently brought your attention back.

These things matter. They show patience, awareness, resilience and care for our amazing bodies & minds. 

What if we simply said “thank you”?

Accepting a compliment can feel like a little practice of its own. At first, a simple “thank you” may feel uncomfortable — but we do not need to add an explanation or point out everything we think could have been better.

We might say:

• “Thank you, I’m pleased you noticed that.”

• “Thank you, I’ve been working on it.”

• “Thank you, I felt stronger today.”

• “Thank you, I’m proud that I kept going.”

• “Thank you, I’m amazing.”

There is nothing boastful about recognising our effort. Accepting something kind does not take anything away from anyone else. It simply allows us to acknowledge that we are doing well, doing our best and learning as we go.

Notice what went well

At the end of your next class, or simply at the end of an ordinary day, try pausing before your mind moves straight on to the next task. Give yourself a quiet moment to notice something positive.

You could ask yourself:

• What did I do well today?

• What am I proud of?

• Where did I show myself patience or kindness?

• What felt a little easier, calmer or stronger?

• What compliment am I going to allow myself to accept?

Positivity can live in very small moments: making time for yourself, trying something new, choosing rest, asking for help, listening to your body or simply turning up when you might have stayed at home.

Introducing The Positivity Wall

I want to encourage us all to practise this, so I have created The Positivity Wall, a supportive online space where we can practise speaking well to ourselves.

After class, take a moment to share a positive word, something you did well, perhaps something you felt or a compliment that made you feel good. 

It might begin with:

• “Today, I’m proud that…”

• “Something I did well was…”

• “I surprised myself when…”

• “A compliment I’m choosing to accept is…”

• “I’m giving myself credit for…”

By sharing your positivity, we are not only nurturing a kinder relationship with ourselves, but your reflection may be exactly what another wonderful member of our community needs to read that day.

So, the next time someone offers you a compliment, see if you can resist the urge to explain it away. Take a breath, let the words land and try saying:

“Thank you. Yes, I’m pleased you noticed that.”

Join The Positivity Wall

Visit The Positivity Wall through the website or Fit by Wix app and share one positive thing you noticed about yourself today. It can be as small, simple or personal as you like. Let’s celebrate your effort, progress and fabulousness.

Join the Positivity Wall